--- title: "How We Set Goals in Therapy | Nebraska and Rhode Island" url: https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/how-i-work/goal-setting description: "Therapy goals set together, in plain words: specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-based, then checked and revised as you go." lang: en --- Skip to content How I work # How we set goals Wanting things to be better is a good reason to start therapy. It is not yet a goal. Turning it into one is some of the most useful work we do in the first few sessions. Image: A small round table between two armchairs in a warm, sunlit room with plants and a bookshelf (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/assets/office-B2GfHFKB.jpg) ## Why do goals matter so much? Because without them, therapy can drift. You come in, talk about the week, leave feeling a little lighter, and months later it is hard to say what has changed. Clear goals give each session a direction, and they give both of us a way to see whether the work is helping. They also keep you in charge. The goals are yours, written in your words and set together rather than handed to you. I bring the questions and what I know about how change happens. You bring the knowledge of your own life, which nobody else has. ## What makes a goal useful? I use a simple test. A useful goal is specific, measurable, achievable, relevant to what you actually care about, and time-based. Feel less anxious fails most of that test. Make the phone call I have been avoiding, by Friday, passes it. A vague goal gives you nothing to stand on. A specific one tells you exactly what to try this week, and afterward it tells you whether you did it. That matters, because progress you can see does more for your motivation than progress you have to take on faith. It also keeps our conversations honest, because we are looking at what actually happened rather than at how the week feels in hindsight. ## What do goals look like in practice? It depends on what you came in with. For sleep, it might be lights out by eleven on four nights this week. For anger, leaving the room before your voice rises. For a couple, one twenty minute conversation each week with both phones in another room. For someone just out of the service, a weekly routine with two fixed points in it. Each one is small on purpose. Small goals are achievable, and reaching them builds evidence that change is possible, which tends to be worth more than any single goal on its own. ## What happens when a goal is not working? We change it. A goal that keeps slipping is information, not a verdict on you. Maybe it was too big, maybe it was the wrong goal, or maybe something got in the way that neither of us saw coming. We look at it honestly and adjust. We also review goals when they are working, and replace them as they are met. Sticking with a plan that has stopped fitting helps nobody. Checking in like this is not about grading you. It keeps the work pointed where you want it to go. ## How do small goals connect to the bigger picture? Small goals serve a larger one. DBT, my primary method, calls it building a life worth living, and the definition belongs to you. It might mean a calmer household, work that fits, a marriage that feels close again, or simply waking up without dread. Goals also tell us when therapy has done its job. When the goals you came in with have been met and nothing new needs attention, I will tell you so plainly. Finishing well is part of the plan from the start. ## Signs a goal needs rewriting - You cannot tell whether you did it or not - It depends entirely on someone else changing - It has sat on the list for a month without movement - It no longer matches what you care about - It was really someone else's goal for you ## Questions people ask ### What if I do not know what my goals are yet? That is a fine place to start. The first sessions are partly about finding them. We talk about what is not working, what you would like to look different a few months from now, and what a good ordinary week would look like. Goals usually come out of those conversations rather than arriving ready-made. ### Do couples set goals too? Yes. Couples goals are shared and checked by both partners, such as one calm conversation about money each week, or a repair on the same day after an argument. Each partner may also have a goal of their own, like noticing the moment they start to shut down and saying so. ### Will there be homework? Usually there is something to practice between sessions, because skills are learned by using them in real life. It is never busywork. If something we planned does not fit your week, we change it, so the practice is something you can actually do. ## Where to go from here - How I work (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/how-i-work)Plain talk, practical skills, and the methods behind them. - Getting started (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/getting-started)From the first message to the first full session. - DBT (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/how-i-work/dbt)Where the idea of a life worth living comes from. - Individual therapy (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/services/individual-therapy)One person, with goals written in their own words. - Questions people ask (https://rodricmcclaincounseling.com/faq)How long people come for, and other things worth knowing first. ## Ready when you are. Therapy starts with a conversation. Send a short message and tell me what is going on, in your own words. We meet in person in Omaha, and online across Nebraska and Rhode Island. 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